“I’m just thankful for everything, all the blessings in my life… It keeps everything in perspective.” – Tim Tebow
Sometimes we are in the flow and things seem to go our way. We have everything we want, and unexpected gifts show up at our door. Other times we feel off kilter, and the things we want seem far away. At those times it is tempting to get upset, and wonder what we are doing wrong, or if we will ever get the things we want. We might even feel the world is out to get us, intentionally withholding our good.
It is natural to think this way when what we want seems to be lacking. Unfortunately, as many of us know, the more we stew on what we don’t have, the harder it is to deal with its absence. Worse still, the more wound up we become, the further away the things we want seem to become.
The good news is that we have choices as to where we put our mental focus. While this may seem trivial, it is actually a gift that we are able to utilize to our advantage. When we choose to focus on what we do have, and on all the good that is here now, then we relax. Our perspective changes, and all sense of desperation evaporates.
This revitalized perspective sets off a positive set of consequences that should not be underestimated. By focusing on the good that we have, our natural charisma begins to surface. There is nothing more magnetic than someone who is appreciative of their surroundings and receptive to the people that they interact with.
Things, after all, do not magically appear in our lives. They come to us through our relationships with people. Our relationships with people are founded on communication. When the lines of communication are open and flowing, then we are more likely to receive the gifts that the people around us are offering.
One key to accessing all that we desire is that we let it in to our experience. When working with students who are having difficulty, one of the first steps is to instill a sense of confidence that positive results are available. Once a student recognizes that the success they desire is possible, then it is a matter of providing support and encouragement, praising the smalls steps along the way.
I had a student who was quick to give up on the lunch groups I facilitate. He had a knack for feeling victimized, and believed that he did not have any friends. Rather than punish him for this unconscious pattern of thought, I allowed him to leave whenever he felt like the group was out to get him. As he left I would tell him that I appreciate his presence and that the door was always open if he wanted to return.
Like clockwork, this young man would return to the group the next week. Over time he stopped running away. He relaxed and started to see that the group was not out to get him. It took a process of gently encouraging him to see things through a different lens. I provided a new perspective that did not cast him as the victim. Over time he found friendship with the very people that he once believed were targeting him.
If you are feeling the pain of not having something you deeply desire, the first step is to slow down. Take a deep breath and recognize all the good that is present in your life. Make a list if it helps. Once you are in a state of appreciation, go out in the world and share it with the people you encounter. It will not take long before your mood and outlook completely shift. You will likely find that you are no longer desperate for that thing you desire. You might even find that it has been there all along.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com.
