Anyone who has held a job in workplaces with other employees milling around has had to deal with co-workers’ annoying personality traits that can just drive you crazy and make for a long day. It could be a male or female co-worker, but when you see them approaching you quickly look for the quickest detour to avoid having to interact with them. Here are a few “office types” that I’ve encountered over the years. Also I’ve added what I believe proves to be the best way to confront these oafs. Have ya dealt with any of these people lately?
One. The know-it-all: The person who obnoxiously purports an expansive comprehension of a topic or situation when in reality, their comprehension is inaccurate or limited. They are the jack-of-all-trades and masters-of-none. If someone asks me a question about nuclear fission, curling or taxidermy, I won’t be able to provide an educated response, because I’ve never done these things. So I keep my mouth shut. However, the Einstein impersonators instantly and confidently provide answers and advice on every subject under the sun. Solution: Google some of their responses that you believe may be incorrect. Then at work the next day loudly inform the brainiac of his incorrect assertions in front of others, “Hey Jim, do you remember when you told us the capital of Poland is Krakow? Well, you were wrong dude, Warsaw is the capital; thanks for nothing!”
Two. The Gossip: Usually you find them chatting one-on-one with a co-worker, head darting from side to side, making sure no one is listening. They are concerned why Susie, the mail clerk, has been gaining weight recently or why Bill, in sales, isn’t wearing his wedding ring at work. Solution: You can mess with these blabbermouths by dropping salacious false tidbits for them to pass on. “Mildred, did you know that Jenny in marketing is having gender reassignment surgery in June?” That should spice things up at the water cooler.
Three. The Jerk: Talk to them for five minutes and guaranteed they will insult, embarrass, irritate or offend you and never realize it. Oh, and their specialty is kissing the bosses butt and taking credit for things they had nothing to do with. One thing you can be sure of–everybody knows the “jerk” is a jerk! If you have ruled out punching or slapping their repulsive mug, there is another way to make a statement. Solution: You and your co-workers chip in and buy him a little gift and present it to Randy one Friday afternoon. Gather around as he opens it and sees a DVD of the hilarious Steve Martin movie, “The Jerk” with a card that reads, “The life and times of Randy.” Also, make sure everyone claps and cheers. However, since he’s a jerk, he may actually believe it’s meant as a compliment.
Four. The Slacker: If the boss is not on top of his game, every workplace has a slacker. They arrive late for work, leave early, constantly run “errands” and spend hours on personal phone calls. Watch out for these loafers because if they get caught not finishing a project on time, they will blame you behind your back and you may never know what hit you. Their sole purpose during the workday is to avoid work and most are experts at it. I’ve seen many slackers in my day and it always seemed to me that it took more energy and time to avoid work than actually doing their job. Solution: The best way to light a fire under the goldbricker is to drop little hints to his supervisor, trying to have him assign Mr. Lollygagger more workday duties. “Hey, Mr. Thomas, Roger is really good at organizing and filing. Maybe he could be in charge of ordering and stocking office supplies. And maybe once a week I could give him a list of supplies we need, just to help him out.”
Five. The Chatty Cathy: It’s not even lunch time yet and you’ve already heard about the romantic comedy movie she watched last night, her fight with her boyfriend, the trouble she had putting air in her tires, and the majestic exquisiteness of this morning’s sunrise! Wow, how utterly boring. Of course you haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise, and she hasn’t realized you have been reading this morning’s paper for ten minutes while she prattled on. Don’t fret though; she will repeat the same tired stories later in the day, after she relates the scintillating details of how she almost choked to death swallowing an olive at lunch. Solution: So the next time she approaches and begins chattering, inform her that you have a serious medical problem with your ears and she needs to talk louder. Each time she raises the decibel level say, “louder please.” Just before she reaches a scream she will wander off in search of another unsuspecting victim.
Of course, if you are like me, you will most likely not heed any of my suggestions. Instead you will put up with the annoying practices of these exasperating individuals with quiet resolution. Good luck!