I’m not going to lie; I had a bad day today. In fact, my Facebook status update (because it’s not real if it’s not on Facebook) read:
Me: “Sorry, you got my sandwich wrong. I didn’t order sprouts on this.”
Them: “Oh, OK.” (Takes sandwich, pulls up order again on touch screen.)
Them: (To co-worker as she is making a new sandwich) “Gosh! I already screwed this up, like, three times.” (Finishes making new sandwich, hands to me.)
Me: (After checking new sandwich) “Sorry, you got my sandwich wrong. I didn’t order tomatoes on this.”
(New sandwich was created, for a grand total of five.) End scene.
It wasn’t until later that I had an existential epiphany: My life isn’t half bad if all I’m stressed about is a sandwich that took five tries to construct. (Let me take a moment to say that I wasn’t even requesting some fancy sandwich. All I wanted is bun, turkey, lettuce, cheese, bun. Nothing else. No condiments. I have the palate of a 6-year-old.)
Do you know how sometimes you need a little pick-me-up to remind you that you’re not a pants-stealing troll living under a bridge? My existential epiphany then led me to write about three websites that will guarantee to make you feel better about yourself. I don’t care who you are, if you’re having a craptastic day, you will at least realize that there’s a little bit of light at the end of your double-rainbow tunnel.
First, mugshots.com will remind those who haven’t ever been arrested that at least, hey, they’ve never been arrested. While this website has recently received a bit of controversy in some states, it never ceases to make you feel better when you read about folks like “49-year-old man was arrested for throwing his girlfriend out of a moving car.” I visit this website and feel good on at least two levels: 1) I have never been arrested and 2) I’ve never been cast out of a moving vehicle – that I can remember.
Another site guaranteed to make you feel better after a completely heinous day is damnyouautocorrect.com. A description from the site reads, “If you have a mobile device, you know how annoying the auto correct feature can be. It changes words without rhyme or reason and if you’re chatting with someone and hit ‘send’ too quickly, it can really lead to some funny results.” I’ve got an iPhone, and I admit that I’ve had these types of autocorrect incidents occur (autocorrect helped me once tell my boyfriend that I was “crawling into Ned” instead of “bed.” I promise I don’t know anybody named Ned at all. Seriously.) A recent favorite from this site goes a little something like this:
Wife: Did you put Charlie down for his nap yet?
Husband: Tried, he won’t fall asleep.
Wife: Sing him a lullaby!
Husband: I don’t know any.
Wife: Sure you do. “Hush little baby don’t say a word, papa’s gonna buy you a moaning bimbo.”
Husband: A moaning bimbo, eh? That should do the trick.
Wife: Mockingbird. WTF iPhone!!Hahaha.
Hilarity ensues.
Finally, if you’re having a really bad day, like I’m talking one of those really special times that start out by waking up to dog throw-up in the bed and then leaving for work only to learn that a gang of hobos has spent the night in your car kind of bad days, I can only recommend one website: cuteoverload.com. This site searches high and low for “only the finest in cute imagery.” Like, we’re talking baby kitties and puppies and farm animals and miniature horses and teeny, tiny turtles and animals in daywear and micro pigs. Yes. Micro pigs, the latest pig craze in England. There are no words to describe a micro pig, so head to this website and you will instantly ooze glitter from every pore, guaranteed to give you a sparkling good day filled with “awwwwwwwwws.” And who doesn’t want that occasionally?
Last, and this is a bonus because I just remembered that I mentioned I was only going to write about three websites – badhap.com exists as a forum for all the bad things that happen to folks I’m glad I’m not. It’s the schadenfreude of websites, where you gain a glimmer of pleasure at the misfortune of others. The “I’ve never been so embarrassed” thread is a good one. (Be advised, this site isn’t all necessarily safe for work.)
Holly Braithwaite is the Communication Director at Utah System of Higher Education. She lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, with her miniature pinscher, Rico Tubbs.