I’ll admit up front that my way of thinking and attitude on most issues is old school.
So, with that understanding in mind, let’s delve into the convoluted world of trophies, awards, certificates of achievement and puffed up, overblown praise for your offspring.
Like every other Munchkin in Oz, I loved getting trophies and parchment paper certificates as a youngster.
It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling when I did something positive and was recognized for it by a grown-up.
Praise, recognition and appreciation are vital building blocks for all adolescent, mush-filled minds.
However, I realized early on in my life that these honors were bestowed on me for note-worthy accomplishments and not for everyday, routine deeds that are part of the maturation process.
Work, practice, study, observe, learn and just maybe one day you’ll take the bronze prize (or, as I recall, gold-painted plastic) home at season’s end. Or possibly you’ll finish in dead last place and get diddly squat for your efforts! Life goes on, deal with it! I am of the opinion that providing your child with a solid sense of the realities of life is more productive than sticking a gold star on the fridge for little Billy every time he makes a poopy or eats his carrots at dinner.
In the long haul, its more beneficial awarding trophies to the first place team then passing out the exact same award to all who participated in the league.
The essential lesson to be learned in any competition is that there are winners and losers and how to properly deal with both results.
In my nine years participating in youth baseball, I never ever played on a first place team, and I somehow turned out OK–except for the fact that I must take four different meds daily for severe depression, an inferiority complex and anti-social behavior (relax, I’m just kidding). Your goal as a loving, caring parent should be to release your cub into the wild with a keen understanding of the realities they are about to face; also, to equip them with the necessary tools to handle life’s inevitable setbacks and disappointments.
If your precious seedling returns home one day quivering and crying because she got turned down for her “dream job,” how will you respond?
“It’s all right honey that man is foolish for not hiring such a special, talented, wonderful person like you. You’ll get the next job because you are unique and you deserve it.”
Or, will you dish out straightforward, candid advice on her prospects?
“Baby, stop crying and listen closely to me. Life is not fair, it just isn’t. The important lesson here is to keep plugging along. Use this temporary setback as a valuable lesson. Continue to persist with your goals and never give up. I’m here to help in any way I can. However, it’s up to you and your God-given abilities to remain positive and continue to move forward no matter how disappointing life’s setbacks may be. I know you can do this.” Now for a motivating anecdote that will hopefully put you on the path to success when facing the complex responsibility of preparing your pride and joy for the real world and its myriad frustrations. I recall a published story from some years back written by a 20-something young man who was fondly recalling his childhood.
He had caring, loving parents who doted on him and constantly praised him for the smallest of accomplishments.
He shared his experience of when he would occasionally take out the trash, one of his chores, without being reminded.
His parents reacted as if he had just thrown the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl or discovered a cure for shingles. His folks convinced him during the first 18 years of his life that he was incredibly unique and extraordinary in every way.
He then entered college and got smacked in his kisser by nasty, cruel old Mr. Reality. Due to these traumatic youthful experiences, he now lives in a cardboard box under the Adams Blvd. overpass in East Los Angeles (just kidding, again).
He’s actually doing quite well as a writer. However, the point is that the unwarranted praise stunted his mental and personal growth on the perilous expedition to adulthood. In my humble opinion there’s a fairly simple formula. Provide encouragement and support throughout their lives and a generous, steady supply of good old-fashioned common sense.
And for Pete’s sake, the next time the precocious little Billy finishes his homework on time, don’t bake a cake and take him to Chucky Cheese as a reward for the stupendous achievement.