“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” – Eric Hoffer
Taking time to think positive thoughts about others can have a very positive effect on our own lives. For one, it takes our attention off of whatever challenges we might be facing. This is a blessing in and of itself. When we stop worrying, things tend to get better. While some might consider this an overly optimistic view of life, it is really nothing more than the positive use of our imagination. After all, when we think negatively about someone else, we are choosing to focus our imagination on negative possibilities and outcomes. So why not try an experiment, and choose positive thoughts instead?
This is not always an easy choice, and often takes a deliberate refocusing of our minds. It can be especially true in situations that bring out fear, doubt, and worry in us. For example, preparing for meetings has tended to elicit fear from me in the past. This has been the perfect opportunity for me to practice thinking positive thoughts about others. I have discovered that choosing to think positive thoughts about my colleagues and clients actually relieves me of fear and anxiety. It is the perfect antidote to the judgmental thoughts that tend to pop up before meetings. As I sit and appreciate the people that I will be meeting with, I find myself relaxing. It is a wonderful way to drop my defenses and lose any sense of adversarial relations. My meetings always go smoothly when I practice this technique.
With my students, and my own son, this practice is also very beneficial. When children feel challenged, threatened, or perplexed by the way someone else is acting, it is helpful to remind them that focusing negatively on those people only gets them further entangled in the drama. I once worked with a young man who was having problems with a couple of classmates who were picking on him. When I talked with my student I found out that those boys picked on everyone. It turned out that it was his attempts at retaliation and his own feeling that the boys’ behavior was personal that was keeping him stuck in the situation. After we reflected on the situation, which included me letting him know that I understood how hard it was, we came up with a plan. His only job was to think good thoughts about those boys. He started this practice at home because it was easier to get started when the boys were not around. Then he practiced the same thing in class. He quietly thought a few positive thoughts about the boys that had been bothering him. The practice turned out to be remarkably effective. He quickly lost interest in what the boys were doing and no longer took their words and actions personally. Within a week the whole situation dissolved and he was enjoying his days again.
A part of me used to look at prayer as a waste of time. When my mother or grandmother told me they were praying for me, I thought it was another way of saying, “Ed’s really in trouble now.” As I have matured, I have come to appreciate all of the prayers that my family and friends send my way. If I am struggling, I find it helpful to sit and consciously breathe in all of those loving thoughts. As I relax, I start sending positive thoughts toward others. This simple practice lifts my spirits and gives me a higher perspective on whatever situations I am facing. I now realize that thinking positive thoughts about others is a constructive use of my creative faculties and opens me up to new possibilities for success.
It takes great courage to go against our own inclinations and choose to be positive. It is easy to get tangled up in negative thoughts because they often have a momentum of their own. I sometimes confuse the rush of adrenaline that comes with being offended or upset at others as a positive emotion. It is actually a sign of fear. Feeling good only comes from thinking uplifting and empowering thoughts. This might challenge our thinking at first because we get used to living out of fear. Once we see how good it feels to think positive thoughts, and we receive the benefits that come with our renewed perspective, there is no question about the value of making the switch.
The next time you are troubled by a person or a situation, take a moment to think some positive thoughts about them. You will be amazed at how much lighter you feel, and how much energy is then freed up for more worthwhile endeavors. It is not necessary to make hard work of it. Just think a few positive thoughts and let it go. It is natural for the negative thoughts to return and this is not a problem. Try it and see for yourself if you do not experience some better than expected outcomes.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live every Wednesday at 3 p.m. on www.Unity.FM. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius. com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting guide.