Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.
As parents and educators, a big part of our job is to remind our children that there is nothing to fear. This is not to say that we do not feel fear related to certain issues and situations. It is our ability to acknowledge and address our fears in loving ways that show the young people in our lives how to successfully navigate their own.
As the Inclusion Specialist for our district, I often meet children who are facing challenges, and expressing themselves in ways, that the people in their lives feel unequipped to handle. It is natural for our mind to feel fear when faced with unknowns. Being a parent and educator gives plenty of opportunities to step courageously into situations with unknown outcomes.
Some people say the opposite of fear is faith. I have come to find that antidote to fear is love. My primary job is to enthusiastically love the students that I meet in a way that lets them know that everything is going to be okay. This does not mean that I know how it will be okay. It simply means that I trust that somehow everything will turn out for the best.
If I relied on my limited vision of what is possible in any situation, I would not be able to confidently encourage and guide the children and young adults that I work with. It is my faith in the idea that, in the end, there is nothing to fear, which gives me the energy and enthusiasm to act as a cheerleader for my students, regardless of their past or present situations.
I am currently working with a young man, a 10th grader, who has not been completing much of his work, and has not shown much interest in school. It is natural for this reluctance to participate in class to evoke fear and frustration in his parents and teachers. It has been tempting for me to believe that I should be able to force him to complete his assignments and engage in his schoolwork more whole-heartedly. The problem is that it never works that way.
If I choose to beat myself up for the fact that this young man, with some learning challenges, does not wish to participate in school at this time, then I would be giving in to the same fear that is likely underneath the surface in him. Instead, I have been choosing to meet with him, hear what he has to say, offer him my services, and then let him know that I am here for him when he chooses to accept my help. I also remind him that I can teach him how easy this school stuff really is. I recently told him that facing this challenge and getting it out of the way will, in the not-so-long run, prove to be far easier than running away from it. As my friend, author Darrell Fusaro, says, “Avoidance is a full-time job.”
The amazing part about this approach is that it works. After three weeks of resisting my help, the young man suddenly has been “chomping at the bit” to work with me. By being kind to myself as an educator, and being kind to him as a young person in a challenging situation, the whole thing is working itself out. We have developed a relationship based on trust. He knows that I am not afraid of him, his behavior, or the work he has been avoiding.
When my grandmother, Nan, was close to death, and I sat beside her bed, I learned a valuable lesson. There was a moment when her face relaxed and I could see that all her fears and worries were evaporating. Her face became younger and her whole being let go. It was as if she whispered in my ear, “Whatever you do, don’t be afraid”.
As I pondered what to write about this week, I was sharing the story about my grandmother with my friends, Sister Marie James and Sister Cheryl, at Pauline Books and Media, in Culver City. Sister Cheryl suggested I share that story with others. I had found the perfect topic for my article, especially for this holiday season. Once again, life provided me, free of charge, the inspiration when I needed it.
It is okay to be afraid. We all feel fear sometimes. Just take a moment to be a loving parent with yourself, first. Remind yourself that, in the end, there is nothing to fear. Things always turn out for the best, somehow. It usually happens the moment we relax, admit we are scared, and place our faith in the goodness of life.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org