When I first found out our friends, Susan and Frank, were having triplets, I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t imagine having three babies at the same time. Three babies? Dear God.
How were they going to do it? I racked my brains for something meaningful to say, words of wisdom from all my years of motherhood. “Oh my God! Wowee!” (Searching, searching) “Piece of cake!” was the brilliant, nervous encouragement I came up with.
After I botched my first attempt at reassuring my friend that she would be just fine, I decided that I needed to think first before I spoke. My friend was going to be the mother of three … immediately. There would be no learning curve. She needed some tips.
Just a few tips wouldn’t hurt – OK, more than a few. It’s unfortunate for friends and strangers that once they have kids, I give advice, even if it’s not asked for. When the opportunity arises, I simply can’t help myself. I’m not going to pull over and give advice to a woman pushing a stroller, but a friend about to be in the weeds – absolutely.
These were some of the tips that I could have used and gave her.
“Friend, realize you will never sleep the way you used to. From now on, any chunk of sleep over three hours is a bonus. Never think you’re going to get an ounce of extra sleep during the day. Everyone will say, ‘Take a nap when the babies do.’ But that is not realistic, people. It just doesn’t happen. Plus, when you think you’ll get a nap and you don’t, it has the ability to cripple you and you can’t let that happen. You must stay in survival mode.
“But, if you believe and take on the attitude that you will never sleep again for as long as you live, and you perhaps have a miraculous moment where all babies are sleeping and you can close your eyes for a few minutes, that will make for a spectacular day. A few minutes can do wonders. Most importantly, invest in good coffee. It will be your lifeboat.
“In the beginning months, you don’t have to put your babies in a coordinated outfit every single day. A zipper- or snap-up jumper is fine. When my boys were babies, I was dressing them in neatly matching outfits with pants, shirt, jacket and a hat just to go in the stroller for a walk. It would take 10 hours to get them ready and I’d curse myself the whole time. It was no way to live. Babies can’t get away with those little zipper-up, footsie outfits forever. Use them while you can. They’re amazing. Heck, I would be wearing them myself if I could. And when it comes to actually getting out of your pajamas to go outside, your outfit does not have to match theirs.
“Always carry a sheet with you. If you are taking a stroll and there’s a park nearby, you whip out your sheet and viola, you’re sitting in clean comfort without the worry of bugs and dog-poop. Laying the babies under a tree and letting them watch the leaves is terrific free entertainment. The sheet can also be used as a changing pad, a blanket or a tent if you have to nurse spontaneously.
“Try not to forget that your husband is part of this, too. He’s on your team. He will do things his way, which might not be how you would do them, but remember that he’s trying. He’s got to discover things on his own without you hovering over him. If you can’t resist, be discreet and pick your battles. So he missed a few snaps or he’s holding the bottle the wrong way – the baby doesn’t know that it’s not your way. It’s not the end of the world. Babies need to have a relationship with him, too, so butt your big head out.
“Share your children with your family, especially your in-laws. No one will love your babies like grandparents. Even though they want to tell you how to do everything, they aren’t evil, they just want to help.
“If your little ones find a little something that they grow attached to, buy a few. Losing it could be devastating and you must have back-up. It just makes for a more peaceful existence all around.”
Susan and Frank brought home their three healthy little girls yesterday. The babies are thriving and Mommy is recovering quickly. It’s a glorious, hectic time and they are figuring it out as they go. That’s really the best advice out there: “You’ll figure it out as you go.”