A local surfer and friend were talking to me about his surf technique. He was struggling to figure out what was going wrong with his approach to catching waves. As he spoke, it was clear that one step was missing. Amidst all of the critiques and observations he offered about his surfing, he was not giving himself any credit for what he was already doing well.
We see this all the time when working with struggling students in our district. Many of them have the skills and are willing to put in the time it takes to be successful. The thing that gets in their way is their own negative assessment of what they are doing. Like many of us, they tend to assume that they are not doing it right and might be embarrassed to show it to anyone who can help them. The truth is that most teachers love to help their students, especially when that student is willing to do their part.
There was a young student who was receiving extra support with reading and writing. Often times the most challenging part of our sessions was convincing him to share the work that he had completed. He was so so sure that he had done it wrong that he refused to let it be seen by anyone else’s eyes until he had to turn in to his teacher. When he was willing to share, however, it did not make much effort to clean it up and dramatically improve the grades he received. He was always visibly relieved when he received the higher scores.
During our time together, we worked on upgrading the things he told himself about the work he was completing. Much of this was done by pointing out all the good that he was doing. We included his willingness to share his work and make the corrections that needed to be made to improve his grades. Soon he realized that being willing to ask for and accept help is a key to being successful. It became clear that this is true no matter how adept we are in a given area.
Talking to ourselves in an uplifting way always pays off. When we feel good, we gain greater access to our natural abilities. We also improve our ability to access the knowledge we possess. Positive emotions and their corresponding physical responses move us into higher order, creative thinking. From these elevated perspectives, it is easier to see the good in what we are doing and in what we have done. We also become naturally appreciative of whatever support we receive along the way.
It is time to start treating yourself like the star of your own movie. Anything less is getting in the way of you experiencing the fullness of your potential. Set aside some time to praise yourself for everything you have done, big or small, that added to your success, or to that of someone else. This list should include paying your bills, holding a door open for someone, or lovingly making breakfast for yourself and your family. These are all ways that you contributed to the overall good of the world. By highlighting the small things you do, you will find it easier and more satisfying to celebrate the big things.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. To share your stories, questions, comments, and ideas for future columns, send an email to: EdwardBiagiotti@ccusd.org