“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” – Walt Disney
There were times in my life when I was so terrified of failure that I would run away from things before I even had a chance to fail. Once, fresh out of college, I applied at a temp agency to get some work while I figured out my next step. Part of the interview involved a basic word processing competency exam. I was lead into a room and sat in front of a computer, then left alone to complete the online exam. As I worked through the material, performing the tasks that were being asked of me, my anxiety was rising. I thought back to my mother’s fingers flying across the keyboard, and decided that I was doomed. I became so afraid of failing that I ran out the back door of the office and drove home.
An hour later, I received a phone call. It was the temp agency. I was greeted with a friendly and bewildered voice wondering where I had gone. Thankfully, I was honest enough to tell her that I had figured I was doing so poorly on the assessment that I gave up and drove home. The woman on the other line got a good chuckle out of my story and invited me back to the office. She told me that I had actually done quite well on the exam and that I would likely have work the next day. I was relieved to have work, and I became so motivated by the boredom of those temp jobs, that I soon switched over to working with children.
Last week, I mentioned how it is our own limiting beliefs that often get in the way of our success. In my case, it was a voice in my own head that told me I was failing and that I had better turn tail and leave before they found out about my lack of skill with word processing. It felt so real as I sat there trying to give my best effort, that I actually followed the guidance, which turned out to be completely false. I see this with my students all the time. It is often their own negative self-assessment that prevents them from giving their all to what they are working on, or they might not turn in the work they have completed for fear that it is not good enough. When we have these negative beliefs, we have to take a leap of faith and give it another try. Then, we have to hang around long enough to find out the results.
Writing papers is one of those areas that my students tend to shy away from. When I convince them to work with me on a paper, even once, they see it come together with relative ease, and they are always relieved. When they get a good mark back from their teacher, they are even more relieved. If they are willing to do it once or twice more, the results stick and become a new pattern of success.
When I was twelve years old, I entered my one and only skateboard contest. After I completed my turn in the contest, I high-tailed it home. Later, I found out that I had earned seventh out of thirty people. That is not too bad for my first attempt. Unfortunately, back then, I did not see it that way and never entered another contest. While I am no longer upset about that, it is a great reminder for me in my current life. It is important to check the facts before I give myself a failing grade at something I am doing. It is amazing how taking a moment to remind myself about what I actually know to be true, and to weed out the negative emotional reactions I might be having, can give me a renewed sense of calm. Then I just have to wait and see what happens. More often than not, I am pleasantly surprised.
Is there anything that you have been running away from because you are afraid that you are not good enough at it? Take a moment to check in with yourself and see if you can give yourself a break. Allow yourself some space to take in the feedback from those around you who are cheering you on. Do a fact check, and see if there is not a more compassionate view you can take. Then give it another try and watch what happens. The relief we feel when we realize that we really are good enough is worth the effort.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week, Wednesdays at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org. For more articles, and a free, downloadable guide to connecting with children, go to www.TappingIntoGenius.com.
