“He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” – St. Basil
A friend recently reminded me that the thing that makes kindness so amazing is the fact that it is a choice. In a world where we risk looking weak, or naïve, it is a choice to continue to act kindly to others. In fact, the people I know who are kind on a regular basis tend to have clear reasons for why they choose to be consistently kind to others. Whether it was a challenging time in their lives, or a special person who taught them the value of kindness, there was a point where they decided that kindness was the path that they would take.
For many of our students, it takes time for them to believe that kindness is a choice, and that it will actually reap the very rewards that they often seek by acting tough, or becoming apathetic about life. The truth is that kindness is a path that takes great courage and a willingness to keep learning about oneself and the world. Kindness is powerful because it creates real connections with the people around us. Kindness helps build a community of people who will be there for you, often when you least expect it, and need it most. Kindness benefits us in the moment of being kind and in the experiences that come after.
What amazes me is the eagerness that children have to be kind to one another when they are in an environment that supports kindness. Our school district has many great examples of this. I regularly visit with teachers who emphasize character over competition. When I enter their classrooms, I notice myself relaxing and dropping my own defenses. In the lunch groups, I find that creating this type of environment starts with my own attitude. I must be kind to my students, even when they are afraid to be kind to one another. This means understanding where they are in their development, what challenges they are facing, and what social pressures they are feeling. This also means kindly sharing my vision for what is possible, and living from that vision, even when it seems that they are not receptive to that vision. By modeling kindness , even in the face of resistance from my students, my students see what it looks like to be kind, and this ignites a spark within them. They feel compelled to be kind to the people in their own lives.
I had two students in a lunch group this week who have a history of getting on each other’s nerves and provoking one another. During the group, I pulled up a chair between the two. I started giving each of them positive feedback, and pointed out to one what the other was doing that I appreciated. At the end of the group I pulled the two aside and told them that I expect their friendship to grow as a result of the group. I reminded them that cooperation and kindness were a big part of that. When the two of them were done cleaning up the room with the rest of the group, I encouraged them to shake hands and congratulate each other on a job well done. They complied, and the smiles on their faces warmed my heart as they left the room.
Being kind really is its own reward. The natural endorphins that are released when we are kind to others bring about a blissful feeling that does not need explaining. My own day always brightens when I choose to be kind to the people I encounter. I notice a momentum which builds with each act of kindness. By the end of the day I can sit back and reflect on all those small acts and feel a deep sense of satisfaction for the day I have lived.
Give it a try. If you are having a tough time or feeling stuck, think of one act of kindness that you can perform. Something as simple as letting someone in on the freeway, helping a child with their homework, or holding the door for someone at the coffee shop, can get you moving in the right direction. Do this several times throughout your day. Then take time at the end of the day to reflect on those acts of kindness and how you felt as a result. This act of reflection will bring an even deeper feeling of peace. These small acts of kindness really are gifts that we give to ourselves.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live every Wednesday at 3 pm on www.Unity.FM. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting guide.