Summer is here. That means warmer weather, kids off from school, and plenty of time on our hands. As parents, this is a time of making new plans, and schedules, so that everyone has something to do and there is a happy balance of structure and freedom.
As a teacher, I appreciate the relief and sense of accomplishment that comes with completing another school year. I get to reflect on the wins from the past year, and also fine-tune my ideas for next year.
It is also not uncommon for me to experience some feeling overwhelm as I face the changes that come with summer. My wife and I were chatting recently about this feeling and two words came forward that I have found rather helpful.
The two words that I am incorporating into my life, as I say goodbye to the school year and plan for the summer months, are gentle and clear. When used together, they help to pave the way for a joyful experience for everyone involved.
There is a great teacher in Culver City Unified School District by the name of Marshanne Love. In my experiences collaborating with Mrs. Love, I have seen a teacher who embodies being both gentle and clear.
The results are obvious whenever I enter Mrs. Love’s classroom. If someone needs help, they get it, and if someone needs to be reminded about the expectations, they get a gentle, yet clear, reminder of what is being asked.
I always tell people that I feel better leaving Mrs. Love’s classroom, than I did when I entered. I can tell that Mrs. Love’s students feel the same way.
Being gentle is important because it is like the spoonful of sugar that Mary Poppins sang about. It is the simple assurance that everything is OK, and that it will continue to be OK, even in the face of change.
Being clear is the ingredient that brings another level of security, because there is no guessing, or mind reading, involved on the part of the listener. When someone speaks with clarity it leaves little room for argument, while opening the floor up for meaningful discussion, and good questions.
As a parent and teacher, if I have doubt, or come across as angry, then it sets me up for a power struggle with my child, or student. Power struggles mean arguing, blaming or trying to assert myself, in the face of what I believe to be a threat to my authority.
The benefit of being gentle and clear is that it makes it easier for my child, and my student, to know what I want and provides incentive for them to get on board with my plans. There is something magnetic about speaking from a place of gentle clarity.
I am writing this as someone who practices this everyday, not an expert by any means. I start by practicing being gentle and clear with myself. When I start with me, the rest becomes much easier.
So take the time, as we move into summer, to be gentle and clear about what you want, and what you expect from others. That way you can tap into your own genius, and have the best summer ever.