“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” – Voltaire
One of the easiest ways to break the spell of fear and anxiety is to focus on the good in the people around us. When we feel uptight, our thoughts tend to revolve around whether or not we are doing a good enough job, or how we appear to others. When we shift our focus from our own performance, and onto appreciating others, our fears lose their hold on us.
I was observing a student who is a natural when it comes to math. Her scores on math assessments are off the charts, and her grades in that subject are always stellar. In writing, however, she does not have the same natural capacities. Whereas math comes effortlessly, writing assignments take very deliberate focus. As a result of her struggles, this student was having anxiety in writing class.
Along with the anxiety, she was engaging in arguments with her peers and teachers. She was so afraid that she would fail that she was not giving herself a chance to succeed. Underneath all of this is someone who is more than capable of succeeding in writing class. It would simply require her to apply some new strategies in order to make progress in this subject.
We can all relate to this student. We have things that come easy to us, and things that require more conscious effort. Both dynamics play a valuable role in who we are. Learning to slow down and bring conscious thought to a difficult subject opens us up to new ways of doing things, and helps us to relate more with the people around us. These new skills support us in being successful, and shining in the areas that come easy.
In the case of my student, I recommended that she recognize herself as a leader in the classroom. Rather than focus on herself when she has difficulties, focus on appreciating how well the people around her are doing. This reduces stress levels, and the hormones that diminish our ability to think clearly. It also makes it easier to ask for help, while remaining in the flow with what the class is doing.
We are all leaders, whether we realize it or not. When a leader is willing to ask for help, it inspires people, letting them know that they are allowed to not know the answers. It also encourages them to communicate their questions, rather than feel ashamed, or blame their struggles on others.
The best part about praising others is that it feels good to do so. When we feel good we access more of our potential. Our creative mind kicks in and we access new levels of energy. We naturally share this energy with the people around us, elevating and encouraging them. As a result, we assure our success, and improve the lives of everyone we work with.
Next time you are feeling self-conscious about something, stop thinking so much about yourself. Focus on appreciating the people around you. You will be surprised how easily the relief will come. Your self-imposed limitations will diminish just a quickly as they came.
As you return to your natural sense of well-being, your vision for what is possible will expand. Your enthusiasm will increase, and your performance will improve. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, the morning after his night with the ghosts, you will feel so good that you will want to share your appreciation with everyone you meet.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.