Don’t go through life, grow through life.
-Eric Butterworth
On Sunday night, my son told me he was not ready for school to start again. Pulling an idea from an old episode of The Cosby Show, I asked him what we should do. I wondered out loud if we should just drop out of school. My son assured me that he was not ready to drop out of school. He reminded me that he has too many friends, he likes his teacher, and that he even likes the way she teaches. In the end, my son and I both felt better about returning to school.
Coming back to school, after two weeks of vacation, brought up the usual fears and worries for us. There is something about starting over, even after only two weeks off, that brings up this seemingly universal resistance. Luckily, time keeps moving, and before we know it, we have a day under our belt. The feeling of accomplishment and normalcy return, and we are back on our horse.
In education and parenting we refer to these times as transitions. For some of us, it is the larger transitions from vacation to being back on the clock, or starting a new job, that we notice. For children, particularly the younger children, and children with special needs, every change in schedule, or activity, can feel like a dramatic change of scenery. As many parents know, transitioning children from playing at home to going to school each day can be a major undertaking.
The more I pay attention to myself, the more I find that I am also sensitive to change. Being gentle with myself is important in that process. I recently started to work with a group of students who are six and seven years old and have a tough time with transitions. This is especially true if the activity we are changing to is not what they had in mind. I am learning from them how important it is to lovingly think through changes, especially when they don’t seem to be the most desired choices.
In the lunch group, I help my students reflect on their past experiences with change. I remind them that even though it might have felt scary, or frustrating, everything turned out for the best. I also remind my students of all the choices that they do get to make. For example, if they were able to choose the last activity, or if they have another opportunity to choose an activity in the near future. These little chats go a long way. The students feel heard and have something to focus on other than their fears, worries, and frustrations.
When I face situations that challenge me, I am often tempted to run away. I have to remind myself that running away has never worked in the past. I might also be tempted to fight the situation, or to blame my circumstances on other people. While the initial rush of blaming and fighting can seem inviting, and I can find others to join in, the outcomes will put me further away from the good feelings of freedom that I desire.
We all face situations that bring up fears, doubts, and worries. I recommend that you be gentle with yourself as you move through the transitions in your own life. It is often by facing these fears with a loving heart that they transform into something far better than expected. For my students, the things they do not want to do turn into fun games and a sense of accomplishment. My own challenging transitions have turned into a job doing what I enjoy, a wife and son who love me, and friends I can trust. Thank goodness I did not run away when my first column appeared in the newspaper. Even then, it took the encouragement of a good friend to remind me that I was on the right track.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org