“For beautiful eyes; look for the beauty in others…” – Audrey Hepburn
When the feeling of stress builds, it is easy to lose patience with ourselves and others. It is at these times that we have a tendency to blame those around us for our own bad feelings. In fact, when we ignore the warning signs of our fatigue, it is only a matter of time before other people get tangled up in our emotional turmoil. Setting aside some time to think positively, and constructively, about the people around us is one way to refresh our thinking and avoid getting into conflicts with the people we live and work with.
I was feeling stressed earlier this week, and I decided to put this practice to the test. At the time, I was tired and it felt like everyone in my life was looking at me and judging me for not doing enough. All of this was going on in my own head, and yet it was feeling very real.
Then, one morning, as I sat for my morning meditative time, I read an article about a man who had been in a car accident. The car accident landed him in the hospital and the damage done to his body made it so that he could only sleep on his back. Unfortunately for him, he was not adept at sleeping that way and was spending most of his nights awake.
Everything changed for him when he decided to spend his nights sending positive thoughts to all of the other people in the hospital. He felt a lightening of his mood, and eventually felt his own healing being supported by his change in attitude and focus. It was not long before his condition improved and he was able to return home.
In my situation, I decided to drop my own concerns, and spend my quiet time appreciating all of the people in my life. First, I focused on my family and friends. From there I turned my focus to my colleagues. This was particularly helpful, because it helped me to let go of the illusion that they were judging me. By the time I got up to start my day, I was feeling considerably lighter than when I sat down.
When I work with students who are going through a challenging situation, I encourage them to get outside of their own perspective. I recently talked to a small group of first graders who had been involved in a minor scuffle earlier in the day. When we started talking they were energized by the drama that occurred, each one sharing their side of the story with excitement or frustration.
As we talked, I reminded them about all of the times that they had gotten along, and about all that they had in common. It did not take long for them to let go of the drama. The smiles returned to their young faces and they agreed that they did not want to drag the incident on any longer.
When we feel threatened, it is easy to hold on to two-dimensional images of the people around us. The benefit of thinking outside of the current moment, and recognizing everyone around us as being complete with their own personal life and concerns, is that we let ourselves off the hook. We dismantle the monsters of our own making, and it gives us more options as to how we will respond to whatever life serves us.
Perhaps you have grown frustrated with yourself, or the people around you. Take a moment to slow down and see your situation through a new lens. Think about everyone involved, and recognize that they are real people, not characters from a screenplay that you might be projecting upon them. Taking this elevated perspective will free up energy that will allow you to function more fully in those environments, and avoid unnecessary conflicts. Positive outcomes are sure to follow when you choose to think positively about the people around you.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.