“To trust in Life reduces the pressures of everyday living
. It makes you feel that the whole world is supporting you at all times.” – Raymond Charles Barker
One of the most fundamental decisions we have to make is often the most overlooked. No matter what situation we are facing, we get to decide if we are going to be optimistic or pessimistic. It is just as true of positive happenings as it is of negative events. The story we tell ourselves about what is happening will determine the quality of our life experience.
Our beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we look at life as something that cannot be trusted, it does not matter what happens, we will find reasons to doubt that it is a good thing. For example, if we receive a surprise monetary increase, while we might feel immediate relief or happiness, our mind will soon find reason to fear that it is not enough, or that we might somehow lose it. If, on the other hand, we look at life as a positive and supportive endeavor, we will celebrate that surprise income as further proof that life is on our side.
The tricky part is that many of us do not realize that we get to choose what story we tell. Much of the time our world view is happening on an unconscious level, formed by our parents, the people we hang around with, or the shows we watch on television. Without investigation, our worldview feels as if it is the only way to look at things, and that it is “just the way things are”.
The great news is that we do have a choice. By slowing down, and reflecting on what we believe, we can open up to new possibilities and ways of seeing the world. If we already have a positive mindset, we can magnify and appreciate the good even more. If we have been weighed down by negativity and doubt, we can turn over a new leaf and let the good times roll. Discovering what we believe and deciding if it is supporting us is a valuable undertaking.
One of the most important things we teach the students in our district is to choose the way they view the world. By equipping them with the tools to choose nourishing perspectives, inclusive views, and empowering ideas, we are setting them up for the ultimate success. Students who reflect on what is going on around them, rather than just react, are better able to choose what they want from their life. By stepping back and choosing what lens they view the world through, their potential for happiness and success is limitless.
I worked with a student who was always planning for fights. He talked openly about how this student or that student was out to get him. He would also replay any slight that he might have felt from another student. He both complained about and took pride in how unfair the other kids treated him. He had carved an identity out of being a victim of the world, while at the same time he was putting other students down for their behavior. While he got a certain high off of the attention he received, it was always short lived. Underneath it all, he felt insecure and did not have anyone he could trust as a friend.
We worked together to help him see that his negative perspective had become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He was constantly making new enemies because of how much time he spent focused on the worst in the people around him. With encouragement, he started being more sincere and sharing his interests and authentic points of view with his peers. As a result he started making friends with people who liked him for who he was. It became an ongoing practice of letting go of his old negative mental habits and choosing to see the positives that were happening all around him.
Perhaps you feel stuck in some negative stories. Now is the time to make a new choice. Take a moment to slow down. List the beliefs that you have been holding onto that have made life feel bleak. Putting them down on paper has a way of shining light on, and releasing the grip of those old ideas. Next revise those beliefs and write a list of positive statements about the good in your life. This simple exercise will help you recognize how quick and easy it can be to change your perspective from pessimism to optimism. Soon you will find that the glass is always more full with things to appreciate than you can even imagine.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com or send an email to: EdwardBiagiotti@ccusd.org