“One of the first things to do is to learn to love everybody. If you have not done this, begin to do so at once.” – Ernest Holmes
I have been practicing a new technique with my students and colleagues lately. It has proven to be especially helpful in meetings or lunch groups that are feeling stressful. Instead of focusing on myself, and what others might think of me, I have been intentionally appreciating others. This includes outwardly praising them for being who they are. The results of using this simple, positive approach have been amazing. People who feel appreciated will light up and bring out the best they have to offer.
When I am not feeling particularly confident, there are certain people who intimidate me more than others. One colleague, for example, always seems to scare me if I already doubt myself.
Last week, before a meeting, I marched into his office and asked him, “Do you know?” He quizzically asked me what I was talking about. I then asked him if he knew how amazing he is. To my surprise, he looked at me and sincerely acknowledged that sometimes he forgets. It was then that I realized that in the moments when I was doubting myself and feeling intimidated by him, he was probably feeling the same way. What a relief!
I also use this technique in my lunch groups. While everyone is welcome and enjoys the groups, students are often recommended when they are having behavioral challenges, or some difficulty making friends. I have learned that praise is one of my most effective tools for facilitating positive change in these students. Rather than harp on their negative behaviors, I remind them how awesome they are. Then, I encourage them to live up to that quality. I have found that it is much easier to shift my own thoughts and actions when I am feeling good about myself. Applying to my work, I have seen great progress in my students when they start to remember who they really are and start finding things about school that they actually enjoy.
Another example of the positive effects of praise occurred with one of my students, who I work with individually. It happened last week while he was taking a test. When I arrived in the room he was slumped over and had given up. After listening to him tell me about how the test was too hard, I gave him a blast of praise and reminded him that he is more capable than he was demonstrating. In his case, I was able to read his test aloud to him and I used the opportunity to throw in encouraging and understanding words as I read it to him. As a result he was able to finish the test and get a much better score than had he sat and given up as he had intended to.
The part of praising others that really makes it worth the effort is the way I feel during, and after, praising someone. I find that it energizes me and that my mood turns around for the better. It is as if I am encouraging myself through the people that I praise. I appreciate all the encouragement I can muster and this a great way to receive that encouragement while blessing others in the process.
I encourage you to take some time and praise the people around you. I especially recommend this technique for situations and relationships that you find challenging. Rather than getting you more tangled up in those situations, I believe you will find that this way of doing things actually frees you from any negativity that might have bothered you in the past. People relax when they feel appreciated. Then you see parts of them that you might have otherwise missed. Give it a try. You are worth it.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week, Wednesdays at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.