“Insist on yourself; never imitate.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
This week a student walked into my lunch group and immediately started crying. It turned out that someone had gone into her backpack and taken several bites out of the sandwich that her father had hand delivered to the school earlier in the day. As the other students filed into the group, the girl was slumped over the table crying, and they wanted to know what was going on. Rather than shy away from the situation, I let them know what had happened and I encouraged them to let her have her space. I reminded them that she had experienced something that would be frustrating for any of us and that she had to let it out.
In the past, I might have run over and tried to shield her from her classmates. I would have feared their reactions to her tears. Instead, I was touched by the amount of compassion that my students demonstrated as they moved from trying to solve the problem to simply letting her know that they were there for her. It was satisfying for me to watch them come together as a group and extend their support in whatever way they felt comfortable.
We all have times when we are feeling or thinking something and we have to let it out. It might not seem like the right time or the right place; however, it is important that we find a way to express ourselves. If we do not express our feelings then they tend to bottle up and turn into frustration and eventually resentment. The good news is that when we find a way to express our feelings and thoughts, the energy gets transmuted into creativity and new ideas. We gain insights about ourselves, and rather than feel isolated, we feel more connected to one another. After all, we each experience the full scale of emotions in our lives and seeing this in ourselves and others reminds us of our shared humanity.
Finding healthy ways to express ourselves on a regular basis is important to feeling good and getting the most out of the energy we have available to us. For me, writing these articles, singing, surfing, and sharing my stories with my friends is essential. When I share my stories, my gifts, and my ideas, the energy multiplies and clarifies. If I am feeling frustrated or upset, it is especially important that I get underneath what is bothering me and find a way to let my emotions flow. Although it can be challenging to be vulnerable about the difficulties I experience, I am always relieved when I do.
In another one of my groups, I found myself getting quite snappy with my students. They started to feed off of my frustration and get louder and less cooperative. I was afraid that it was not going to end well, that I might have a tantrum in front of the students. Thankfully, I was able to let it all go long enough to finish the group and then check in with myself.
Afterward I acknowledged how tired I was and I gave myself a break. I let myself feel all the feelings I was feeling without judging myself as wrong. Then I admitted that my feelings of frustration had been building in that group for a while and that I needed to reflect on what I was doing. Soon, I could see that I was out of touch with my inspiration. I was able to ask myself what that particular group of students needed from me at this time. I realized that what they needed, and what I needed was the same thing. I needed to let go of judgment, and go back to listening and sharing from a place of appreciation and understanding. From there it is easier to encourage the group and guide them toward working together more collaboratively. In order to get to these valuable insights, I first had to express how frustrated I had been.
Is there anything that you need to say that you have not been saying? Are you holding in your emotions in some area, or judging yourself as wrong for the way you feel? If so, fear not, for now is the perfect time to honor those things that need to be expressed. Reach out to a friend or family member that you can trust to listen. If that does not feel right, then grab a piece of paper and just let it all out with your pen. When you’re done, do not judge what you have written. It is okay to rip it up and let it all go. I am always surprised how much things change for the better when I admit how I am really feeling and give it a voice. Try it and see what happens.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, to find out more go to www.DarrellandEd.com. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.