“Children only come in ones.” – Arthur Greene, Educator
I was taking a walk recently when I came upon a man stepping out of his Spanish-style apartment. He waved and told me that if I was an inch taller I would be a great basketball player. He added that he once knew Kareem Abdul-Jabaar, Wilt Chamberlain, and George Milkan. I am not sure why, but I stopped to chat with him a little while longer. I discovered that he was an educator who had once been the Superintendent of the Chicago Public Schools. I did not ask his age, though he shared that he had worked in New York City during World War II. He helped military men find their way when they arrived in the city.
I am glad I took the time to chat because it turns out that we have quite a bit in common when it comes to our approach to education. The man told me, “Kids know when you are lying to them. You have to love them. They can smell anything else from a mile away.” He went on to say that within children there is an uncanny ability to know who really has their best interest in mind. If they sense that you are not in it for the right reasons, they are likely to rebel and act out in all manner of ways. I have found this to be true in my experiences. When I come from a clear and loving place with my students, my job is infinitely easier. If I am half-heartedly present, thinking about where I am going to eat lunch, it is easy to get run over.
So what does it mean to love the children we work or live with? I asked myself this question as I sat to write this article. Sometimes it comes very natural, and it takes very little work on my part to be inspired by the students I work with. Other times, I feel short tempered and low on energy. It occurred to me that in order to give all to my students, I have to first give it to myself. I have to take care of my own needs, my own feelings, and my own mind. I do this through eating regularly, sleeping enough, playing music, meditating, surfing, and reading inspiring material. By making sure my own battery is fully charged, I connect easily with young people who naturally have a certain zest for life. If I am on fire with enthusiasm, it is easy to shine my light on those who need a jumpstart. When I feel good, I want to encourage others to engage with the things that make them happy.
Loving children also means appreciating each one of them as a unique individual. It is amazing how different we all really are. We each have a unique way of talking, laughing, and thinking about things. Fully appreciating each person lends a richness to our community, and to our experiences. My lunch groups are founded on the idea of unconditional love. It is of no use to me, or to our world, to label someone as bad, and then expect them to then figure out a way to fit in. This is a tall order for anyone, especially someone who has very little life experience, or lacks the type of guidance required to see things from a higher perspective.
To see the results of loving our students fully we have to step back and observe over a good period of time. Some students know me for years before they open up and start sharing and asking me questions about life. If I had given up on them too early I would have missed out on those opportunities. This is also true for the friendships that develop over the course of years in the lunch groups. It is sweet to see the lasting bonds that my students share. When I do recognize them, I feel redeemed for all the times that I questioned the value of what I was doing.
We all intuitively know that our children crave respect and care, even when they are unable to express those desires. It takes an inner knowing to stay the course when it seems like our efforts are not being received. Being a loving teacher, parent, friend, and stranger, really comes down to selfish motives. We choose to be loving because that is the kind of world that we want to live in. I find that love and joy go hand in hand. When I am fully engaged in my job, and loving my students and colleagues fully, I get more joy and satisfaction from the work I do.
So, what kind of world do you want to live in? If there is a relationship that you would like to see change, what can you do to be the example? Giving your whole heart and mind to what you are doing ends up giving you more back than you can imagine. Sometimes, when we are tempted to run away, it is actually time to stop and call more of ourselves forward into that experience. Even sitting quietly and sending love to the people in your life will get the ball rolling. Anything that breaks the pattern of feeling victimized will do the trick. We are more responsible for our life experiences than we have been lead to believe. This is very good news for everyone.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week, Wednesdays at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.