“When setting out to create art, music or literature, to invent an object or method of service, or to choose a career, consult your own heart rather than the world.” -Alan Cohen, best-selling author and teacher
As the inclusion specialist for our school district, I work and communicate with many people throughout my day, week and year. As I move through all of these different situations I experience a wide range of challenges, emotions and ultimately new lessons and success stories. I learn a great deal about myself in the process.
One thing that helps me move forward, through whatever comes up, is to look at life as a school. I am here to learn. I am not supposed to know it all.
This past week I was faced with several challenging situations.
I had a group of children who felt like a herd of elephants running me over every time we met. I had a friend who seemed to think that my phone was a dumping ground for everything that was wrong in his life.
I also had a desk full of administrative duties to tend to. The more I did, the more frustrated I became.
Then I remembered one of the greatest lessons I have learned in my life. Recognizing that the common denominator in all of those situations was I, I needed to get to the bottom of the way I was feeling.
Instead of fighting with my mind, or with the people and conditions in my life, it was time to give my frustrated feelings a voice. Sometimes the greatest wisdom sits waiting beneath the upset.
In this case, I found a friend to talk to and let him know what was really present inside of me. I expressed the level of frustration I was feeling with my students, my friend and the amount of work I had to do.
As I spoke, I started to feel lighter and found a sense of strength coming up from deep within me. I realized that I know who I am and I know what I desire when it comes to the way people treat me.
I realized that I was not a victim of outside circumstance and that this whole thing was an opportunity for me to speak up for myself and stop seeking approval from others. I would never have come to these understandings if I had not decided to give my feelings a voice.
What is great about this process is that the effects seem to ripple out into my life, even without me taking action. I did choose a few things that I could do differently, and take those action steps.
What I also noticed was that I was carrying myself differently and that the tone of my voice felt more solid. These subtle changes have the greatest effect on my experience.
When I carry myself in this lighter, bolder way I find that life, and the people in it, respond to me differently. I find my words landing on more receptive ears, and situations turning up in my favor.
There are many ways to go about giving challenging thoughts and feelings a voice. One way to do it is through writing it all-out. When I write out my challenging feelings and thoughts I prefer to burn, shred, or rip and recycle the paper without reading what I have written. The point is to get the energy moving and find clarity, not to go back into the upset.
Another way that works for me is to find a quiet place to sit and listen to what is going through my mind, what some call meditation. For the more adventurous you can even go into a room with two empty chairs. Sit in one chair and give those feelings and thoughts a voice, then sit in another chair and play the role of your own counselor.
I am always amazed how effective it is to give myself words of encouragement and advice. Whatever it takes, it is important for me to honor my own thoughts and feelings and give myself the freedom to think and feel it all. This often uncovers new solutions to challenges that seemed to be standing in the way of my success.
Giving my feelings a voice has another added bonus. When I take the time to air out my thoughts and feelings in a safe, supportive environment, I avoid having them spill out in unsupportive environments where they might be taken the wrong way.
This leads to a feeling of empowerment as I have greater freedom to choose how I respond to situations in my life. As a result, I find that I am a more effective communicator and my life flows along more smoothly. The bottom line is that I get to feel better and experience greater success at the same time.
So if you are feeling stuck, and you are tired of seeking answers outside of yourself, give it a voice. You will be surprised what wisdom lives inside you. That is the why I call this column Tapping into Genius. We all have access to the answers we seek; we just have to take the time to listen to ourselves.