“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eyes.”
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Author
During our spring break, I have been reflecting on my work as the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. One of the things I appreciate about my job is getting to know and appreciate the people I work with. I have come to see that maintaining healthy and successful relationships with my students and colleagues is the most important part of my job.
One of the guiding principles in my life, including my professional life, is unconditional love. For years I have pondered what it means and what it feels like to be unconditionally loving toward people. Being raised Catholic, this concept of unconditional love has always been a core value in my life. Using this concept as a guiding light, I have become a more effective educator and a more loving person.
What I realized this past week, is that the relationships I have with people are fulfilling and successful because I focus on them, rather than their accomplishments, or lack of accomplishment, in certain areas. With my students, many of whom are struggling in some way, I have learned to be happy to see them, regardless of outer conditions. I genuinely appreciate seeing my students and learning about them. I am fascinated by the unique gifts, as well as the universal qualities, that each person I meet brings to the table.
I developed this way of being with my students, in part, because many of them are facing very difficult challenges. If I was to focus on those obstacles, I would also become overwhelmed and discouraged. Instead, I have learned to focus on the good that is present in each person, and the potential that exists in each situation. Without this tool, as I mentioned, I would not be able to successfully assist people in moving through whatever hardship they might be facing.
I now recognize that my students are happy to see me because they know that they are not going to be judged based on their struggles, or even on their accomplishments. As I have mentioned in a past article, we are all together when it comes to the lunch groups I run. Does this mean that we ignore our struggles, and our achievements? The answer is no. It means is that we come from a platform of trust, based on unconditional love, upon which we can stand and appreciate our wins, as well as generate effective solutions for whatever challenges we are facing.
My friend, Darrell Fusaro, often refers to this way of being as working from the inside-out. By getting in touch with what is going on within each of my students, and reflecting on the way we are looking at things, and the way we are doing things, it seems as though the external issues, such as poor grades and behavioral challenges, take care of themselves. In a world that focuses heavily on results, I have to frequently remind myself that this method works. I know it works because I have seen many of my students blossom over time, in ways that surprise many people. This includes students facing expulsion, and even jail time. I have seen, time and again, that students who are willing to accept responsibility for their conditions, and then take whatever steps required to make positive progress, are rewarded in unexpected ways. It seems to me that shining a light on the gifts that my students brings to the table makes it easier for them to access and make use of those gifts. In a way, focusing on these gifts multiplies them.
I practice this form of unconditional love with others because I have found that it works so well for me. I have learned to love and appreciate my own life unconditionally, and I have seen things get better and better. Take a look at your own life. What are some of the gifts that you can shine a light on? How can you multiply the good so that it begins to outweigh the negative? How can you extend this same focus to the people in your life who could use a spotlight on their own gifts that they might not be seeing, or accessing fully? It is worth the effort, and the results will surprise you.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.