“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” – Ronald Reagan
I was speaking with Jan Glusac, one of my favorite teachers, this week about what it takes to become a better educator. Ms. Glusac reminded me that in order to grow we must be willing to look at what we are doing and be open to new ideas about how we can be better at what we do. This includes looking at things that we might be uncomfortable with. It is refreshing to hear someone, who excels in their profession, taking this approach after 26 years in the field.
Regardless of how long we have been doing something, a willingness to learn something new is an invaluable asset. It has taken me years to become open enough to reflect upon my practices and open up to new ideas about what works. What I have discovered is that life is much easier when I accept help from the people around me. I have found that every person I meet brings a unique perspective to life, and that being open to learn from them accelerates my success rate immeasurably.
I used to think that being secure in myself meant knowing it all. I though successful people were simply better at life. If I did not know something I would pretend I did, and attempt to look like the people that I thought were successful. All this did was compound my issues. I had to continue to weave the web of illusion that I was in control and on top of things. The truth is, I was the one who was missing out on a million golden opportunities to accept help from the people around me.
Many of the students that I work with have this same issue. They all have gifts and talents. The challenge comes when they are outside of their comfort zone. It is in those situations that real success is either made or broken. Much of my work with children is done in creating a safe space in which we can admit that we do not know the answers, and much of that comes from my willingness to acknowledge my own limited knowledge.
There are countless examples of people who have succeeded in life by being willing to learn new things and improve on the old. Kobe Bryant is known to be the hardest working man in the league when it comes to preparing for games. After 17 years in professional basketball, and five championships, he continues to add new tools to his game in the off-season. The same type of work ethic helped Thomas Edison, Abraham Lincoln, and Steve Jobs excel in their individual fields of excellence. Examples like these inspire me to give up the lie that I can only be good at what I do by pretending I know everything. In fact, being willing to say, “I don’t know”, to children, parents, and colleagues, has opened many doors, and gained me more respect than pretending to know it all.
It is so refreshing to see students relax, as I point out to them that they do not have to pretend to be in control. In a lunch group this week, a student was rushing to speak and jumbled up his words. Another student turned to him and made fun of his error. I simply reminded the group that we have all mixed up our words in moments of excitement. I also reminded them that it is sometimes valuable to slow down, and take a breath before we speak. By shining light on this potentially embarrassing situation, it let everyone off the hook. I could feel the group take a collective sigh of relief.
It is useful to take a moment and reflect on the ways you are pretending to be in control, or putting pressure on yourself to know more than you actually do. Take a moment to acknowledge that you are out of your comfort zone, and that it is a normal part of life. Then take a few breaths, and ponder what steps you can take toward learning something new, such as asking someone else for help. This simple practice will take the weight off your back, and lead to greater success in every area of your life.
Edward Biagiotti is the Inclusion Specialist for Culver City Unified School District. He is also co-host of the popular radio show, Funniest Thing! with Darrell and Ed, live each week at 3 pm on www.UnityOnlineRadio.org. Visit www.TappingIntoGenius.com for more articles and a free, inspirational parenting download.